The Spirit and me

2010-12-27T12:15:00.000-08:00

Sleeping in a rowhouse

2009-11-26T15:02:00.000-08:00

Sleeping in a three bedroom row-house with ten kids and two parents can get pretty cramped. I remember sleeping with four other brothers and sisters in one double bed in a very small bedroom. The three older kids slept at the head of the bed (up-top) while the two smaller kids slept at the bottom. That way the older kid's feet were in the younger ones faces all night. You know there were a lot of "rights of passage" in our family and this was one of them, as one kid grew and left home you moved up to the top of the bed. Of course when my oldest sister Alice decided that she would rather sleep on the sofa rather then in bed with four of her sisters (she was in her teens) one of the sisters was moved out of our bed and took her place and I being the oldest male moved to the top of the bed and no more smelly feet! Alice slept on the sofa (which my dad called a "teat) for years with her head on the arm of the sofa. Almost every morning she got up with a kink in her neck and went around groaning with her head slanted to one side. Mom would sneak up behind her and snap her head back to normal. Alice would let out this God-awful scream that you could hear down the block and then she would be alright. I don't think there was ever a time that I didn't have at least one of my brothers sleeping with me. To me a military bunk was heaven!

Mar

2009-11-17T07:08:00.001-08:00

Mar

I’m having a very hard time dealing with Mar’s death. It was like losing a part of myself. I can not think of Mar without remembering our childhood together. As those memories coming flashing back I only see two people, Mar and me...

Mar was three years older then me. We had a sister, Susan, that was born between us but she died when she was five. So, Mar was the one that I looked up to, we were pals and as it is with pals we both laughed and cried together.

Our family had what you would call a “pecking order”. Everyone had to go through a time when it was their turn to do the tasks that the older kids no longer wanted to do and the younger kids were just to young to be able to do...but their turn was coming.

Mar and I were the ones that had to go out in the rain or snow looking for a store that sold a certain kind of cake or ice cream for dad or to go to the grocery store and buy things on credit even after the grocer told mom she couldn’t have any more credit. We would always yell “put it on the book” as we scurried for the door hoping that the grocer wouldn’t embarrass us in front of other customers that knew our family.

Mar and I would run away from home at least twice a month. Once we left early in the morning and walked for hours only to turn around and go home after it got dark...we were dismayed to find that no one knew we had left.

Once we were told that we had to clean the cellar. Now cleaning the cellar was like being sent to purgatory. We knew that we must have done something against God and humanity to be assigned to such a gruesome task. Our cellar was where mom put all the clothes that she got from Goodwill where she worked. She sorted clothes that people donated to the poor. Mom would take one of us to work with her for one day during the summer. She would sort through the clothes (mountains of them) and pick out stuff for us to wear during the coming school season. Sometimes we got to pick something that WE wanted to wear and I thought I was really cool going to school in old second world war uniform shirts and pants that I had to roll up to make them fit. Well, she would put the clothes in large laundry bags and bring them home and they would wind up in the basement. this went on for years and the basement was full of bags chuck full of clothes that were forgotten except for when my older sisters, who no longer lived at home, came by looking for clothes. They, and some of us still living at home, would go down the basement and start looking through the bags (mom called it “rooting”) and throw clothes all over the basement floor. After a while you couldn’t walk down there and so somebody...Mar and I had to clean it up. It was a nasty dirty, and dusty job (dirt floor) and me being allergic to dust was sneezing and crying the whole time. We found a surprise cleaning that basement once...fleas! It seems that our little mongrel dog wanted to contribute to our misery. We came out of the basement that day with a very itchy rash. Mom felt so bad that she treated us to a Tasty-Kate and Pepsi.

Once when mom and dad were going through one of their trial separations, mom moved out with us and we lived in an apartment over top a jewelry store. There were so many of us in that small place that mom would send Mar and me to Paterson Park every day. We left early in the morning with a lunch ( usually a peanut butter sandwich) and were told not to come back until supper time. there was a pond in the park and we spent all day watching people fish for Sunnies and feeding our sandwich to the minnows. In case any of you have been wondering why the pagoda meant so much to us it is because that is where we spend much of our time during the day. We would race each other up and down the stairs. We would sit on the top floor and look out over the park and make believe we lived in the country.

Yeah, Mar and I went through a lot together. Once we were left at home, only the two of us, and there was nothing to eat. So we fixed mayonnaise sandwiches but didn’t have anything but water to drink. We found something in the closet that we had seen dad put in his drink and decided to try it. It turned out to be alka-seltzer that we threw down the sink.

Mar changed my life. She knew that I was having problems at home with dad so she and her husband John spend a lot of time with me allowing me to visit as much as I wanted when Teresa was a baby. I was a sixteen year old kid taken out of school after an eighth grade education by my dad to find a job and give my pay to the family. Mar knew of my problems because Mar had gone through the same scenario. As a matter of fact that was one thing she regretted in her life not being able to read or write very well. John was a sailor and began telling me how being in the Navy changed his life. He convinced me that if I didn’t go out on my own I would fall into a routine where I would never leave the inner city. I decided to follow in his footsteps and joined the Navy. Thanks to Mar my life was changed.

I will miss Mar. She spent the last years of her life trying to get our family back together and it left a deep wound in her heart that never fully healed when she realized that it was not to be.

One day we will meet again, Mar, me and mom and dad, and all the family. We will meet in Love... a love which all of us have been searching for all these years. When through our Lord Jesus Christ all our sins will be forgiven and we will stand before the Father whom is pure Love and all the pain will be gone...

Veterans Day 2009

2009-11-12T13:38:00.000-08:00

Just got home from Jonnies school where he and I celebrated Veteran's Day together.

I arrived about ten minutes early and stood outside the classroom door as the kids inside looked at the door to see who was outside finally the teacher allowed for the kids to leave their chairs and they came to the door to welcome me. Jonnie looked a little shy as he greeted me and his teacher told him he could talk to me in the rear of the classroom as his classmates readied themselves for lunch. I took my commendation ribbons out of my pocket and asked Jon if he wanted to wear them. He jumped at the chance and stood real still as I pinned them to his 'Peterson' jersey. As we were walking out of his class he began to put his jacket on and I asked if he was gong outside and he explained that his class had recess right after lunch. Funny though, he didn't put his jacket fully on...he kept my ribbons exposed for everyone to see and his stature became very military as he held his chest out and tried to walk like he was marching. I had a wonderful lunch with a grandson who was truly impressed with his granddad and this made me very proud. I left my ribbons for him to wear all day and I gave him a picture of my ship to keep. I had a great day with my grandson and I thank everyone for allowing us to do this...
Oh, and Jon gave me a picture that he had drawn of my ship out of memory and it really does look like my ship. It's on the shelf with all my other Navy stuff.

Navy Education

2009-11-11T14:47:00.000-08:00

I know, I know, it's been over a year since my last post. I truly don't know where the time went, but today is Veteran's Day so this is my day to say thanks to the Navy and thanks to those that served with me, who, in every meaning of the phrase 'changed my life'...
"Education"--- To my dad meant getting through the sixth grade, then leaving school getting a job and helping the family by giving your pay to him. It meant that now you will be treated as an adult, there was actually people that was going to listen to your opinion and you didn't have to go to bed with the kids anymore. It was a 'right of passage' you were going from childhood to adulthood and all you had to do was quit school which most kids, when they were sixteen, hated anyway so it wasn't really much of a decision.
"Education"---to my mom meant that you went until you either got tired of it or they threw you out. She more or less agreed with my dad on the other stuff.
"Education"---to me meant that I knew I needed it to get ahead but didn't know how to go about staying in school. It was tough. I knew I wasn't stupid because when I went from the sixth to the seventh grade I was placed in an advanced class and began taking courses that was to prepare me for college. I know you are probably laughing or chuckling to yourself but for me it was a major triumph, you see no one had ever finished junior high in my family let alone to even consider college. When I was sixteen and living with my sister I dreamed of becoming an astronomer. Then I moved back home and all those dreams came tumbling down. To make a very long story short, I was pulled out of school when I was in the eighth grade and put to work in a nearby department store. Yeah, that's right I was sixteen and in the eighth grade. I was very sick the first year I suppose to go to school and didn't go, then because my family moved to or three times a year I was kept back a few years. Anyway, I worked at the department store for about six months when they let me go. Dad was furious! Everyday he came home and asked me if I got a job and called me lazy and stupid for not getting one. This went on for months and it got so I was going to my older sister Mar's home and she and her husband Johnnie convinced me to join the Navy where I can be my own man. I took their advice but dad wouldn't hear of it. He was convinced once he thought he could get an allotment check he okayed it.
Whew...that was pretty long just to let you know how the Navy and my shipmates changed my life but thought it was important to see my mindset after I arrived on my ship.
After all the work of putting our ship back together we were finally nearing the time when we were going to to sea. One morning a list of sailors were read over the PA system to report to the hanger deck of the ship, and I was on the list, there were about twenty of us. We stood at attention as a Navy Ensign told us that we were the only sailors aboard that did not have a high school education. He told us that he had put all our names in to take the high school GED test and that we had six months to study and pass it or we were going to back to school because none of us were going to leave the Borie without a high school education and he was going to see to that...I took him seriously.
I bought a book titled "High School Subjects Self Taught" and started to study in earnest. I remember being at sea and trying to study on watch in the middle of the night. A young Ensign saw me and gave me the keys to his office (about five foot wide and maybe eight foot long) and told me that I could study there where I could little quiet...I was in heaven. I was having problem with two subjects however and the test date was getting closer and closer. The first of my worries was algebra and the answer to my Prayers came from a place where I least expected it...my shipmates! Just remember back when you were in your late teens (males) it was a macho world where you spent your waking hours proving your manhood. One night while I was on watch in the Caribbean Sea I was cussing like a sailor trying to figure out how X could possibly equal Y when one of the guys on watch asked me what I was so pissed off about. When I told him, he got all the guys on watch in our engine room and the forward engine to compete with one another in solving different algebra problems. As they were solving them they showed me how to do it and these guys, God bless them all, did this every night for a week until I finally understood. The next big problem was English. I had a friend who was a college grad, Ken Cybulsky, who helped me by giving me a very thick book on grammar which had a long list of words and the student was to take one word a day and use it in a sentence as much as possible during the day (definitions were also there) which I did with his help. The test came...and I with three others out of the twenty passed and I nor my shipmates couldn't be any prouder. I was on a roll now and thought that I could do anything and I could...I advanced in rate as fast as anyone could go and made second class in three and a half years and was told I would be a first class at four years if I stayed in the service.
I got out of the service and after a couple of no-where jobs I decided to join the Baltimore City Police Department and what was the first questions they asked?...do you have a high school education or GED? You must have either to be a cop. I thought back to all those nights with all those "macho" wonderful guys showing me how X can equal Y...

Military

2008-11-22T09:15:00.000-08:00

I'll start this as I was leaving from the Baltimore-Washington International Airport. Like I've written in a previous blog I left Baltimore alone. No one was there to see me off because Dad was pissed off that I was leaving and no one crossed my Dad, so it was pretty lonely and lets just say that I was a more then a little apprehensive about my new life. All I knew at that time was that I needed a change, a change that would get me out of the slums, away from the no-where jobs and living from pay check to pay check. Also, I needed to find out who I was. Am I someone "different" that could change his station in life or am I just another slum kid just fooling himself and like my Dad said during our last conversation, only a kid thinking that I was becoming a man, a man that could change his life but will be rejected by the outside only to return to the slums to live out my life thinking of things that could have been?
I was scared to death and it would have been so easy just to turn around and run for home where my Dad, with a knowing smile, would have been so consoling as he plotted his next move to get me a job and start charging me rent just like he did with all my sisters. I had already had experience with that. I remembered my first job as a part time stock boy at Taubman's Department Store on Pratt Street. I made twenty five dollars every two weeks and Dad took twenty of it for "rent". I was fifteen years old. I had no problem with giving my money to my family but I knew that Dad was going to use it for gambling and didn't see why I had to pay for that. Thinking of the consequences of failing in my attempt to change my life spurred me on and I got on the plane. It was a jet which was unusual for 1961 and of course it was the first time I'd ever been on a plane. I remember thinking to myself, see your life's changing already. And change it did...

If I remember correctly it took three hours to get to Chicago and it was evening before we got to the Great Lakes Naval Training Center in Waukhegen, Illinois... Navy Boot Camp! After arriving I, along with about fifty other guys were herded into an auditorium were we were all sworn into the U.S. military plus we signed an Oath of Allegiance. After that we were given speeches by several high ranking Naval Officers advising us of the honor and integrity of the Navy plus we got a history of the battles that the Navy had won and the tragedies and lessons learned on the battles that were loss. After that it was getting close to taps so we were told to take all our valuables and place them under our pillows for safe keeping. We did as we were told and after reveille in the morning we found that someone had reached under our pillows and stole everything of value...so much for honor and integrity!

Our first full day in boot camp started with a great meal in a chow hall the size if Delaware. After that we got a sea bag and filled it with our first issue of Navy uniforms. We were taken into a hall where we were told to strip off our old clothes and put them in a box to be mailed home. We each had to stand in a three foot square box that was painted on the floor. We put on our Navy work blues for the first time but not for long. We went to the barber shop where we all got every inch of our hair shaved off. As we were leaving guys that had been in the Navy about a week before us began to call us boots. We were divided into companies about thirty sailors per company then each company was given a barracks. after we assigned barracks and "racks"(bunks) we were told to strip down to our scivies and wash all our new uniforms because the Navy believes that all new clothes are considered unclean. The hardest thing to get clean is the white hat. Soap gives it a dull color and you must keep washing and rinsing until it is as white as snow which can take all day.

The next several months was pure hell with getting up at four thirty in the morning for inspection which consisted of your uniform your hygiene and finally your barracks. Every morning one of us would be singled out to for being a scrounge and made to do fifty pushups in front of everyone. If the barracks was dirty everything was thrown out into the middle of the floor from your racks and lockers. Not just the sailor that did something wrong but EVERYONE'S locker and rack. During the day we went to class to learn the basics of Navy life, went to physical training, and marched or if we were out of formation ran everywhere we went.

I was just about finished my second month of basic when I got sick. We were drying our clothes in an indoor drying room and the temperature was always about ninety degrees. I had just stepped in from the outside and the next thing I knew I woke up in the emergency room. I stayed in the hospital for a week and no one ever told me what was wrong. All I know is that when I left they wanted to draw some blood and took me in a room where about twenty sailors were getting blood drawn. The doctor took one look at me and waived the blood test. He told me that I was too under weight to take blood. I know that when I got to boot camp they took my weight and I weighed 112 lbs. when I left boot camp it was 130. Our final week in boot camp was called "service week". For the whole week we had to work at different areas of the base doing things that no one else wanted to do like working on the mess decks (kitchen). I'll never forget the day the gave us our assignments. Everyone in my company got the mess decks, except me. I was told that I was going to be the Master At Arms of the Reserve Battalion on the base. For the whole week I made coffee for the Officers in the morning and sat behind a desk as reserve boots camp into my office and had to salute me as they were given their assignments.

At first I was told that I would have to stay in boot camp for another week to make up for the week I was sick, but they changed their minds and I graduated with my company.

I waited for my name to be called on our final day in boot camp. We were being told where our first duty station was going to be and none of us had any idea as to where we were going. Guys were going all over the world on ships and land bases. My name came up and I was going to a mine sweeper base in Charleston South Carolina.

While I was in boot camp I took a battery of tests to discover what my strengths were and because they were in the engineering realm I was classified as a fireman apprentice.I was assigned to the refrigeration unit and spent the day repairing worn out electric motors from the sweepers. Note of interest: All mine sweepers had wooded hulls because most mines were magnetic. While I was in Charleston I took up karate but didn't get get to far because I was transferred.

There were several South Korean sweepers in port while I was there and there was a story going around the base concerning one of them. It seems that the Korean sailors went on liberty while they were in port and the next day the Charleston police showed up with a female. The female made a report that she was raped by one of the sailors and the police wanted to see all the sailors with the female to see if she could pick him out. All the sailors lined up and the lady walked up to one and said "that's him!" The police wanted to take the sailor in custody but the Korean Captain refused and asked the police to leave his ship. The police left the ship and the ship immediately left port and went to sea. Later that night the ship returned and the captain called the police back to the ship. When they got there the captain showed them the dead body of the accused sailor. They went to sea and hung him!

I really liked South Carolina. It was close to Florida and there were times when I took weekend excursions to the beaches. But, surprise, surprise! I got transfer orders. I was being transferred to Norfolk, Virginia aboard the USS-Borie which is moored in the Portsmouth Naval Station. I had two weeks to get there and went home and told everyone the good news. I was going aboard a ship and I would be closer to home.

After my leave I reported to the base commander directed me and one other sailor to the pier where the Borie was located. We were excited to get to the ship where we were sure we would be spending the next three and a half years.

I was shocked as I stood on the pier looking at my ship. The other sailor and myself dropped our seabags and stared at the ship. It didn't look like a ship. Everything from the main deck and above were gone. Everything was taken off to either be refurbished or replaced. The ship was going through what the Navy calls a FRAM which stands for Fleet Rehabilitation and Modernization. She all new equipment and a flight deck.

There were a bunch of sailors aboard the ship yelling at us, welcoming us aboard and asking us where we were from. ect. We could hear the ding, ding, ding of the crane as it headed toward us on it's tracks as it took some old parts off the ship. As it neared the sailors screamed even louder then suddenly they burst out laughing and returned to work completely ignoring us. We turned to pick up our seabags and found that the crane had run over the other sailor's seabag cutting it completely in half. The picture at the right is the Borie in drydock as she was getting her hull painted. The Borie spent most of her time during repair in drydock. Click on the picture for a better view. Notice the big cranes on either side of the dock and the gang plank that we had to go up and down all day everyday until she was seaworthy. I spent most of my time as a fire watch watching the welders and making sure the sparks didn't cause a fire. After that I was assigned to the aft engine room and helped as machinists reconnected all the pumps and engine. There were yard workers that lagged all the piping with asbestos as all the rest of us were working of the power plant. Asbestos was in the air everywhere and to this day I don't know why I didn't get cancer, it was on everyone.

I'll continue this with a new entry called the USS Borie DD-704

USS Borie DD-704

2008-11-22T09:10:00.000-08:00

After about six months in Portsmouth we finally went to sea in I think it was June 1962. Our first "cruise" was with the families of all the sailors aboard. We just took a short trip around the harbor. The water was as calm as it could be and resembled a table top as we dropped the last mooring line in the water and the captain ordered all ahead one third. We weren't out five minutes and I got sea sick. I was so sick...I didn't think I would ever be able to sail and that's all I wanted to do. I didn't realize at the time that the Navy didn't care how my tummy was feeling, I was going to sea even if I had to puke my way across the Atlantic.

After about a week of taking on stores (food) and ammo we headed for Guantanamo (Gitmo) for what the Navy calls a "shake down" cruise. Which in civilian terms means that we were going to go through a lot of training with little sleep in the heat of the Caribbean in the middle of summer. I didn't think it was going to be hard but it was like going through boot camp again. This time however, it was a lot of "what ifs" training...what if the ship was sinking, what would you do? what if the engine room took a torpedo what would you do? That kind of stuff. Most of the old salts knew what was going on and it didn't take us long to learn what our jobs were during war. I was very disheartening however when you go through all that training and a wisened sailor who fought in the second world war says that most destroyers (tincans) sank within a minute of being struck by a bomb and if a torpedo struck the engine room you had better make sure your life insurance was caught up because you will never make it out alive. Preparing for a nuclear attack was the worst. The engine rooms were already 120 degrees and you had to shut off all the vents. We took salts tablets to keep from dehydrating and some of us passed out and had to be dragged topside to get fresh air.

We spent some time shooting our five inch guns at targets that were painted on an island. They never told us when they were going to shoot them off so we were taken by surprise and didn't have time to protect our ears. Some of us lost hearing for several minutes which led to hearing loss later in life.

After getting all that training we headed home to Norfolk were we all went on leave before leaving for the Mediterranean Sea. I was looking forward to the cruise except for the rough seas. Some of the guys told me that it could get so rough that the waves could get twenty feet high and I, who gets sea sick standing of a pier, wasn't looking forward to it.

We were a part of a fleet that was leaving Norfolk and I'm not sure how many ships were in the fleet but I know it was over fifty. I was told it takes seven days to get across the Atlantic. After we were out for a couple of days I became a little apprehensive knowing that we were out there alone and had to depend on each other. We learned what it meant to have someone depend on you and sometimes with their very survival. I was standing on the main deck one day looking over the side when one of the older guys came up to me and said "don't worry we're only two miles from land...straight down!" Yeah, that made me feel just great.

Anyway, the thing that I fearing the most... a storm at sea, struck about five days out. It was a hurricane. It lasted for days. The ship was taking unbelievable rolls and had us literally walking on the bulkheads (walls) and trussing (tying) ourselves into our racks where we trying to get some rest. The old salts had a ball with this. Most of them weren't sick and would walk by you eating something that smelled and looked bad or would send the younger guys to the bilges to find out how high the water was. Once you saw and heard that water slouching from one side of the ship to the other you got sick all over again. Some of us were actually carrying a bucket around with us. You couldn't go outside because the ship was under water most of the time. Lines were strung outside so that the guys that had to could get around by hanging on to the line. Funny thing is we never saw another ship during the storm and the waves were something that you wouldn't think was possible. The storm followed us across the Atlantic and we never had any relief until we sailed through the Straights of Gibraltar. I'll never forget that morning. It went from violent seas to calm in a matter of minutes. We were below decks and ran outside for the first time in a week. The sea was beautiful with all the ships on the horizon and dolphins jumping in and out of the waves that was left by our ship.

The Med cruise was wonderful. Here's a list of some of the ports we visited:

Catragena, Spain

Naples, Italy

Cannes, France

Bormes, France

I could go on and on posting pictures of the beautiful ports we visited but if I do that this blog entry would five pages long.

Here are all the rest of the ports visited the summer of 1962:

Toulon, France............................................... Gulfe Juan, France
Corfu, Greece ..................................................Tarento, Italy
Rhodes, Greece................................................Beirut, Lebanon
Panza, Italy .....................................................Pompeii, Italy
Serento, Italy ..................................................Gaeta, Italy
Rome, Italy .....................................................Vatican City
Palma, Mallorca .............................................Rota, Spain
Karachi, Pakistan.......................................... Suda Bay, Crete
Lido, Italy ......................................................Venice, Italy
Port Said, Egypt .............................................Port Suez, Egypt
Aden, Saudi Arabia .......................................Patras, Greece
Portsmouth, England ....................................Copenhagen, Denmark
Kiel Canal, Germany .....................................Turku, Finland

After we came home in October 1962 we were only in port for several weeks when we were called to sea once more...this time maybe...to war!

My next entry will be titled The Cuban Missile Crisis

Cuban Missile Crisis

2008-11-22T09:05:00.000-08:00

After the Med Cruise and just about everyone was back from going home we began getting the ship ready for our next cruise. I was in the engine room and had a pump that had given us trouble on the cruise torn apart and laying on the deck. My first class came down and asked me how long it would take to put the pump repaired and put together. I told him that it was repaired and I was putting it together when he told me that I had to get it together as soon as possible. There was a sense of urgency in his voice that I never noticed before so I hurriedly got the pump together. We received a message over the ship's intercom that we had fifteen minutes to go on the pier, call our homes and tell our families that were we going to sea, didn't know where we were going and didn't know when we were coming back. Everyone scrambled to the phones on the pier. Every ship got the same message at the same time so the lines at the phones were a block long and I couldn't get to a phone. We looked toward the end of the pier because we knew there were phones on the base and found that the end of the pier had been blocked off by marines who wouldn't let anyone off. We ran back to the ship because time was getting short and we didn't know what to expect next. We knew that the U.S. had a running argument with Russia over Berlin and we all thought we were going to war.

It usually takes about an hour to get the main engines "lit off" (running) but this time we were ready to go to sea in half that time. Nothing was transmitted to us as we sailed out of Norfolk into the open sea...

We were going at "flank" speed (as fast as we could go) and none of us knew where we were going. About a half an hour out we received the speech that was given by President Kennedy in was the middle of October 1962. We knew where we were going, we were going to be a part of the blockade of Cuba and we knew that there were missiles on the island manned by the Russians pointed at the US and that there were more on the way. The Russians were sending a convoy of ships with missiles aboard and we were to stop them. We weren't part of the blockade...we were looking for subs. We were in open sea patrolling when suddenly we were again at flank speed. We headed to an unknown location. Scuttlebutt was that a Russian sub was spotted and because we had special sonar we were send to help surface her. We found the sub and with our sonar there was no way she was going to lose us. We followed her for days. Finally, she broke the surface and Borie sounded her horns. I was below deck shaving when I heard the horns and I knew what it meant. I ran topsides and stood with the rest of my shipmates as the sub surfaced in front of us. The sub never submerged after that it stayed afloat as we ran along side of her for two days. I'll never forget my fears as we tracked that sub while it tried to lose us. We had been at "general quarters" for a couple of days which means we had to stay at our battle stations until the threat was cleared. We had only peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and an apple for all three meals with no sleep except for catnaps at our battle stations. I remembered all the stories of my shipmates that had been in war; It only took a few minutes for a destroyer to sink, during battle sailors with guns were placed at the hatches leading to the engine room to make sure that no one left the engine room which is the least protected area of the ship and if a torpedo doesn't kill you as it explodes through the hull then the six hundred degree super heated steam will. All these things passed through my, and all my friends, minds as we tracked the sub.

Suddenly we were at flank speed again leaving the sub behind as we headed south toward the Caribbean Sea. General Quarters were secure and we had a chance to get a good meal and to get some much needed rest. We were headed for the Panama Canal. We waited in the harbor as ship after ship of Marines came through the canal from San Diego. It was an invasion fleet. We were going to invade Cuba and we were ready. All of us new that if that happened then it was sure to be WWIII. We sailed toward Cuba with the troop carriers. I looked and found jeeps, tanks and all sorts of vehicles and weapons. As we sailed toward Cuba there was only one thing on our minds...subs. We knew were were equipped with the latest sonar gear so there had to be the possibility of Russian subs in the area. And as sudden as all this started...it was over. We and the Russians came to some kind of a deal and we were going home but not before a couple of days liberty in Kingston Jamaica. We went ashore with all those marines and it wasn't a pretty site. My buddy and me were involved in a brawl at one of the local bars with a few of those marines. My buddy had false upper teeth and was hit in the mouth and his teeth were forced down his throat. He lay there gagging as the fight was going on around us as I dug my fingers down his throat trying to retrieve those teeth. I got them out just in time to see the military police arrive and the brawl was over.
Since that time I've never liked marines. My buddy was smaller the I was and the Jarhead picked him out to hit first. Let's just say they're not my kind of people. I received the above medals during my time in Cuba. The upper one is the Navy Good Conduct Medal, the blue and gold is the Navy Expeditionary Medal, The red and yellow with stripes is the National Defense Medal and the red white and blue one is the Armed Forces Expeditionary Medal.

The next segment is the Assassination of President Kennedy.

Long week

2008-10-25T06:38:00.000-07:00

I don't know why I don't post more often but I do find it a good way to vent when things get to me and also it is a good way to share my feelings with those that I love.

I've been going around and around with the VA about possible kidney problems. I was told that they, my kidneys not the VA, have been producing protein above the normal level for the past three years and more tests were needed. Okay, so I get the tests done, not knowing if I had a problem but I was pretty concerned. I never heard anything back from the VA on the results. I was dragging for over a week not knowing if there was a problem and if there were, I didn't know if there was anything that could be done. Bummer!

Anyway, I started a new job at Caribou that same week and with a possible kidney problem and trying to get acclimated to a new job where I was the oldest by about forty years was...let's just say "disheartening".

Then something happened.

I went to the mall to a junior achievers mall project. I walked along the mall corridor as kids ran around me. They were divided between trying to sell their product, which they made themselves, or visiting their friends and goofing off during their rare visit to the mall. I saw Alaina sitting at her table taking her role as artist and entrepreneur very seriously. I looked toward the taco stand and saw her two brothers goofing off as they waited on their pizza. I walked toward them on "monster" legs. As I neared Sawyer, he started to scream and I mean scream: "No, grandpa no"! You know, I'm proud of my Swanson family. Everything they do, they do it together and I think that's wonderful. I turned back to Alaina and she tied a friendship bracelet around my right wrist. I, being the cop that I am, did a little investigating. I walked over to Sawyer and Jonnie and checked their right wrists. There were so many friendship bracelets around their wrists that I wondered how they got their arm washed. Did a little more investigating...their mom had just as many! I walked back to Alaina just as Grandma was getting her bracelet around her wrist. Boy am I in good company!

My long ordeal started on Thursday. I went to work as usual at 5 am and got off at around 11. Bible study started at 1 so it was a quick trip home to eat lunch then it was Mom and I back to Willmar. We also had a long Social Concerns meeting at St. Pat's and didn't get out of there until 9:30. Then it was up at 4 to start all over again. I was bushed! After work I went to Church and had to decide if I was going to the jail Ministry. I could have come up with many legitimate excuses on why I couldn't go, but as I was sitting in Church I looked down at my wrist and saw my Love bracelet. That's when I realized that my decision had already been made for me and I feeling fully energized headed for the jail.

These pass several months has been very discouraging for our Ministry because we've only got maybe one or two inmates come and the Parish Priests were thinking of discontinuing it. I had seven inmates attend this Friday and it was wonderful! It was very heart warming. I had one of the inmates burst out in tears and thanked me for coming. Several of the males actually told me that they missed me! They said that they were afraid that I wasn't coming back and then I met a jail poet he's going to put his poems on paper and I'll post them. He recited several of his poems and I was thanking God for giving the energy to be there...and then I looked down at my bracelet...and thanked Him...and thanked Him...and thanked Him...

Our Family III

2008-08-12T07:00:00.000-07:00

Food.

I don't remember things like eggs or bacon during weekday breakfast. We had eggs but normally we just had them on a special occasion such as Christmas Or Easter (we had eggs...we never went to Church). Christmas and Easter were pretty big around our house. We always had eggs, sausage and a treat which the family called "dougdies". Mom would go to the store and buy hot roll mix then mix it up and let it rise overnight. The next morning she would break the dough into circular pieces about five inches wide and paper thin. She deep fried the dough in lard, then we ate them while they were still warm with Kings syrup which you could only get locally in the Baltimore area. Oh, it was wonderful and we could never get enough. We had to be pried from the table because Mom ran out of dough long before we ran out of appetite. I'm not sure that the "dougdy" recipe was something that just our family had thought of, I think that others made the same thing but named it something else although I've never seen nor heard of it anywhere else.
Basically, when it came to our cuisine we had a German background. I and most of my sibs love liver. I can remember going to school with liver sandwiches the day after we had it for supper. My schoolmates left the area when I broke out my lunch and no one offer to swap lunches. Mom fried the liver in lard with onions. Until I was an adult I didn't know you could have it any other way.
A little side story about liver. After we moved to Atwater I was asked if I wanted to go to the nutrition center (a place where seniors were assured of getting at least one good meal a day and NO I wasn't considered a senior at that point in my life). The seniors wanted to meet the new cop in town. Anyway, I walked into the center and I could smell the wonderful aroma of cooked liver. Needless to say...I got in front of the line! We were only allotted a couple of piece each and no matter what I did to persuade the cook to give me more, she won't waiver. I sat down at the first table after the food line and...and this is true...as each senior came by where I was sitting they each took their portion of liver and put it on my plate! I ate lunch at the center every "liver Wednesday" and the same ritual occurred.
Back to the story. Another thing which we ate a lot was sour kraut. We had it instead of potatoes and we (and I still do) loved it. Bruanswauger was a usual staple for school lunches and once again I did have to worry about anyone stealing mine. We always ate our sandwiches with mustard but once I became a cop I found a guy who ate in with mayonnaise...yuk!

Ya' can't from Baltimore and not love seafood. I can remember going crabbin' in the bay. I'll give you a lesson on how to crab like an inner city kid. First, you have to get a crab net. That's a net that looks a lot like a net you would use to land fish except for two important differences. One, the net was made of wire mesh which resembled chicken wire. Two, the net was attached to an extra long pole, I'll explain why these two differences are important as I continue my story. Next, you need to get some rotten meat. What we used to do is buy chicken wings and leave it out for a few days. Oh, and you need to buy some extra strong cord...okay lets go crabbin'! It would be nice if you had a boat but if you could afford to own a boat then you could probably be able to buy your crabs and not spend all night crabbin'. You can crab just about anywhere and old piers were best (unless you own a boat but we've already been through that!). You crab at night and it is always done better with a few six packs of beer. First you get some brave soul, probably the one who drank the most beer, and have him or her ( that's right, women crab too) tie a piece of rotten chicken to the end of the heavy cord. Throw the chicken into the bay, the piece you tied to the cord not the free pieces...if you throw the free pieces into the bay then you gotta go home because you've had too much to drink. Anyway, after you throw the chicken into the water you try to find the bottom by letting the cord hit and go slack. At this point you pull the chicken so it is just off the bottom. Now, you are ready to crab. Next, you have to find a "dipper" this is a person that is really fast with the net. Everyone in the party has a least one line in the water and the object is to watch the line until it starts to go straight out which means that a crab was nibbling on that dirty old rotten chicken wing. Next thing you do is scream for the "dipper". Oh, I forgot to tell you how to recognize the "dipper"! He's the guy that goes from one crabber to the next holding the crab net at "port arms" and doesn't have a line out of his own. Now, this is where the design of the net begins to make sense. At this point in the ritual you begin to inch the crab to the surface by slowly and I mean slowly pulling the line in inch by inch. Once the crab sees light he lets go of the chicken and all is lost. The "dipper" puts the net in the water long before the crab can be netted and waits until he sees the crab...hoping that he sees it before it sees him. As soon as the "dipper" sees the crab he dips down deep into the water and Prays that he gets the crab. Now, if you're the "dipper", which is an honor, and you miss a crab you will be ridiculed for at least a year and you will never dip again...unless you own the net. Anyway, after the crab is brought to the surface he is put into a bushel basket by hitting the net on the basket now if you had a regular net, the crab would be entangled and hard to remove, hence the wire. Now, all you have to do is repeat the above for about fifty times which usually lasted all night and you can take your bushel of crabs go home with your friends have your wife steam them (the crabs not your friends) get a few more six packs of Boh Beer and enjoy an Oriole game.

More Later

Rough Week

2008-08-07T08:57:00.000-07:00

We've had a pretty rough week. Last Wednesday Doug Hamilton died after a long illness. Doug is Buddy Hamilton's father. Doug was a very wonderful man. He has been my friend for over twenty five years and it was hard to say goodbye. As I look back at all the things that he did for family and friends I realize that he sat the example for many in this small town. He will be greatly missed and I consider it an honor to have known him. Rest in Peace Doug. I'm sure that the Father has deeds that he wants done in Heaven and that's why he called you home.

Our Family II

2008-07-31T13:41:00.000-07:00

As I wrote in the last entry, there were ten of us, seven girls and three boys. It was tough sleeping because there were only three bedrooms. Of course mom and dad got one of them leaving two bedrooms for ten kids. It really didn't matter what sex you were when it came to where you slept. There were five of us per bed. Three big kids slept at the top of the bed while two of the smaller kids slept at the foot.Why were our sleeping arrangements made in this way? Because the two little kids always slept with the feet of the bigger kids in their face while the bigger kids never had to worry about whether the smaller ones had clean feet or not. You know, now that I think about it and looking at my stature...I would still be sleeping at the foot of the bed.:) I remember when my oldest sister Alice became a teenager, she no long had to sleep with the rest of us, she got to sleep on the sofa! At first, we all thought of it as some sort of "rite of passage". Wow, she got to sleep by herself, what an honor! That is until she started getting up in the morning with a kink in her neck from sleeping with her head on the armrest. Alice would scream if anyone even looked at her neck let alone try to straighten it out. Mom used to sneak up behind her and twist her neck real fast or Alice would walk with her head crooked all day. (boy the reads like something out of the Beverly Hillbillies or a Jeff Foxworthy skit!). I never slept by myself until I joined the Navy, except for that year with Alice.

Every school year we always had new clothes....new to us that is. Mom worked for Volunteers of America which is a lot like the Goodwill. One day a week during the summer months she took one of us to her workplace to pick out clothes for school. I remember when it was my turn. We went into a room that had mountains of used clothes that were donated for the poor people of Baltimore. The piles were sorted by size. Mom pointed to a pile and told me to pick out clothes that I liked.Okay, we're talking early fifties here with the Korean and WWII fresh on everyone's mind. Nothing would make a young male feel more like a hero then to don his country's uniform. Most of the clothes I picked out were US Marine Corp dress shirts and pants. I must have looked a sight when I went to school in my dress kacki pants and shirt...yep that's right my mom let me wear them. I remember taking the stripes off the shirts...I thought I looked cool! Shoes? Yeah, they were used too. Most were too big so we got tissue paper for the toes. As we used to joke...the soles were so thin you could stand on a dime and could tell whether in was heads or tails.:)

More Later

Our Family I

2008-07-28T16:00:00.000-07:00

I thought I'd write for awhile about my Dad's family and how my siblings and I were brought up and how it influenced our lives. First, I want you all to know that I know that I am not the smartest man in the world and you'll have to forgive me for my grammar and spelling which sometimes even spell-checker can't figure out.

We lived in the southern area of Baltimore which was called "Pig Town" for most of our childhood. Pig Town was a lower to middle class income area. Most people had jobs working for the railroad or the many factories in the area.

We lived in row homes all our lives. I'm talking about homes that were about fifty feet long by eighteen feet wide and,if you were lucky three stories high. Every house had a front "stoop" and a rear "stoop". The row houses in Baltimore were from a different era. At the turn of the century none of them had indoor plumbing and there was an outhouse in the back yard. When indoor plumbing was introduced suddenly a three bedroom home turned into a two bedroom home with a toilet.At first we never had a bath tub (at least I don't remember one) in the house. We had to go to a bath house which was really a shower house which was strategically located in the center of a neighborhood. Even though I was very young, I can still smell the steam and the small bars of Ivory soap they used to give you. When did we go there? Why,every Saturday of course!

In the summer every window in every house was open and no one had screens, air conditioners were unheard of. Old people sat by the window twenty four hours a day and if they weren't there they were either sick or dead. No one got away with anything because everyone was watching you and you could get spanked by a concerned neighbor(one of those old people)as well as your dad, if your dad was pissed off enough about what you did.

There were ten of us not counting mom and dad. We lived in neighborhoods where people watched out for one another but it wouldn't be unusual to have two fathers watching and instructing their sons on how to fight as the boys "duked it out" in the middle of the street. No one liked strangers or cops and immediately became suspicious when an unknown or a "prowl" car came into the neighborhood. We never heard gunshots and all of us learned how to fight. We usually handled things with our fists or just yelled at each other a lot.

It was a time of very hot summers where in the evening everyone sat outside on the front "stoop". The kids played curb ball, kick the can and red line. The snowball man came around once a night and I can still hear the screams of small children yelling "wait a minute!" to the drivers as they attempted to get their attention. Dad always seemed to have enough money so we all could have a snowball which tasted wonderful on those hot sticky nights. During a thunderstorm we would lay down in the gutters and let the cool water run around us on it's way to the sewer. I know, I know, it was filthy but none of us ever got sick and it felt so good! We were not rich but I really don't remember going hungry. There were some rough times but we always seemed to have enough.

Sometimes during the summer we went to camp. That's right camp! The city government had a program called "The Fresh Air Camp". The poorest of the poor was sent for two weeks to the Appalachian Mountains where we spent our time swimming and have cookouts over a campfire.I remember,as my sister Mar would say "we would cry when we got on the bus to go and cry when we had to go back home!" Once we got there the first thing that had to be done is we were all deloused. They put us in a shower and spread some kind of blue disinfectant over our whole bodies. There wasn't any shame in this everyone had to go through it so we didn't know who had "cooties".

My dad could probably be best described as "street wise". He did what he had to do to get by and if that meant that he had to swindle and steal then that's what he did. I won't go into any specifics here but lets just say that it was pretty humiliating if you happen to be with him when he pulled one his thefts. Okay, I'll just tell you about one...he would go into one of Baltimore's biggest department stores go to the shoe dept. take a new pair of shoes out of the box, try them on and if they fit he would take his old shoes and put them in the box and place the box back one the shelf.Now, you might say that he was poor and didn't have the money and at times that would be right (the fact that he didn't have the money,it's never right to steal), but sometimes when he did this (and many other things) he had money in his pocket.I remember him telling me many years later after he had spent money belonging to me that once he had started spending my money he found it so easy to get and hard to stop spending until it was gone. Maybe once he had started to steal he found it so easy that it was hard to stop. I don't mean to smear my dads name but thought I'd just let you know how it was.

I can remember going to the movies for the matinée at the Horn Theater almost every Saturday. It cost 5 cents to get in and we stayed there most of the day watching the Three Stooges, Superman, a whole lot of cartoons and a feature film which was usually a western starring Roy Rogers or Hop-Along-Cassidy.We never bought popcorn or candy while we were there. We usually took something from home like a sandwich or a bag of tomatoes that we had to sneak in because we weren't suppose to bring anything into the movie.

My dad never got along with my mom's parents. When I was really young (five years old) we lived right across the street from my grandparents and dad and them were at it constantly. Once, I remember that we had our electricity turned off because we didn't pay the bill (it happened sometimes) and our next door neighbor felt sorry for us because of the amount of kids we had. The neighbor allowed my dad to put an extension cord from our house to theirs so we could have electricity. My grandma saw this and called the electric company and reported my dad and the neighbor and we both had to pay a fine. I don't know what started this feud but it cost us any kind of relationship that we could have had with our grandparents. I barely remember them or any of my aunts or uncles. As a matter of fact we didn't know any of our aunts or uncles on either side. I don't know how many cousins I have.

When I became a teenager my dad started to look at me differently. I was no longer a kid to feed, I suddenly became an asset. When I was fifteen I was told I had to get a job to help support the family. I went to work at a local department store as a stockboy. I worked everyday after school and on Saturday. I made twenty five dollars a week and my dad took twenty. I know you are going to find this hard to believe, but I had to buy my lunch on Saturday and any work clothes I needed with the five dollars I had left. What was I giving my dad twenty dollars for? Why, for rent and my meals! (I was fifteen). After a few months I wasn't needed at the store any more and was let go. Dad wanted me to quit school and find a full time job. I resisted telling him that I wanted to get through high school so I could get a good job. His answer? "I raised you as big as you are and all I had was a six grade education, you certainly can make it with an eight grade education!" I didn't agree and refused to leave school.

Our relationship deteriorated and it got so he wasn't talking to me except to criticize and it got so I hated to see him come home. My mom intervened and I sent to my oldest sister's home to live. I lived there for a year and I must admit it was probably the happiest year of my life.

After the year I moved back home and dad continued to badger me so after a year I decided that I had to do something. I quit school in the ninth grade and joined the Navy which at that time was the best decision I ever made in my life. To give you an idea as to how bad it got I had to go to the airport by myself on the day I left home. As I stood in the doorway of my home with my suitcase I said goodbye to my father. He wouldn't take me to the airport. I was taken there by my recruiting officer who told me that in all the years that he recruited sailors this was the first time he had to take one to the airport when they left home. As I said goodbye dad looked at me and said "I'll see you in a couple of weeks." I told him that boot camp was three months long. He looked at me smugly, like he couldn't wait to say the next sentence and said "I know how long boot camp is but the Navy is looking for men, and you're no man!" I left home and took a bus to the recruitment center. I stood off to the side at the airport as families said goodbye to their sons and brothers with tears in their eyes.

Dad was right. I wasn't a man when I joined the Navy but I don't think any son would like to hear such words from his dad especially when the son knew that his whole life was about to change and was scared to death that he was going to fail. I guess my dad's final comments made me determined that I was going to make it and I guess that, in a way, I have him to thank for that.

I became a man in the Navy. I got my High School Diploma which opened up a whole new life for me.

More thoughts later.

This Summer

2008-07-01T15:38:00.000-07:00

What a summer we've had! First, had our beautiful first grand daughter Rocky, graduate high school. It was wonderful being there with her that weekend. I was so proud of her, she is so beautiful. Next, we had to say goodbye to my number two daughter, four of my grandchildren and a wonderful son-in-law. Standby Denver the LeBon/Johnson clan have invaded your beautiful mountains and serene valleys. Denver, you should be celebrating because we are a proud lot...and nothing comes before family! Next, Mom had her problems with her heart. Everything is going very well. Anyone that doesn't believe in modern miracles hasn't heard this story of a loving mom that found she had heart problems through her annual physical.
Next, we're going HOME to Maryland to be there when our number three daughter, Julie has her baby boy (wishful thinking). I'm looking forward to the trip. I just love Hampstead and can't wait to sit on the back deck in the morning as the deer graze along the hillside.
Then, we're off to Spoken where I'll be dancing at my son's wedding. Then you will see why I have the nickname "twinkle-toes". I can't wait to meet my future daughter-in-laws parents. I'm so proud of my son, he's turned out to be quite a man. I'm not sure but it looks like we'll be coming by train unless the airfare comes down.
Then, sometime this year, before the snow flies, I want to take a trip to Denver and spend some time with the Johnson's. All this, and the gas prices are going through the roof! Oh well, this is what retirement is suppose to be about.

Love to you all!

Jeanne

2008-06-14T05:11:00.000-07:00

I've waited to write this blog so that you would hear about Mom's condition from her. I look at this as a wake up call for the both of us. I'm trying to convince her that we should retire as soon as possible and enjoy life. We really don't know what we're going to do but I think we've made up our minds about where we want to live. I think we'll stay in the Willmar area and take trips in the winter. Of course we'll be taking trips to Washington State and Colorado in the summer with trips to Maryland and Florida in the winter. We love this area during the spring and summer. Hopefully we'll find a small place in Willmar and leave Atwater. Since all of our kids left home there is really nothing to keep us here and we've often asked ourselves why we're still here. Anyway, keep your Mom in your Prayers especially on Tuesday when we go to St.Cloud

2008-06-12T08:09:00.000-07:00

"There is an appointed time for
everything,
and a time for every affair under the
heavens.

A time to be born, and a time to die;
a time plant, and a time to uproot
the plant.

A time to kill, and a time to heal;
a time to tear down, and a time to build.

A time to weep, and a time to laugh;
a time to mourn and a time to dance.

A time to scatter stones, and a time to
gather them;
a time to embrace, and a time to be far
from embraces.

A time to seek, and a time to lose;
a time to keep, and a time to cast away.

A time to rend, and a time to sew;
a time to be silent and a time to speak.

A time to love, and a time to hate;
a time of war and a time of peace."

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

What weekend we had last week. First, we got to go to our to our oldest granddaughter's graduation. It was a stormy night but the smile on Rocky's face more then made up for it. I wish I could see my "big city" girls more but with tight schedules and the outrageous price of gas makes it almost impossible. On Saturday we had Rocky's party and the whole family was there to celebrate and play a little volleyball. We had a wonderful time even though there were a few injuries.
Then came Tuesday...We had to say goodbye to Chuck, Chris, Allison, Ashley, Tanner, Mitchell and of course Ruby. Saying goodbye was very difficult. I spent most of the day after I got off work helping Chuck move the heavy furniture into the moving van. Chuck asked me if I was going to miss my family, I almost lost it then, I had to get away and stand by my truck until I could hide my emotions.
I'm getting pretty choked up writing this blog. I'm going to miss them all so very much.
Take care you Johnson's and remember I love you all.

Dad
AKA;
Grandpa
Twinkletoes

The Journey

2008-05-18T10:13:00.000-07:00

I guess you've all been wondering about my fascination with sail ships. Well, besides the fact that I think they're just beautiful there is a Spiritual reflection that I have that I would like to share.

Ask yourself what you would be thinking when you board a sail ship to go on a journey. You're all excited about the trip, what kind of goodies there are to eat, how many friends you're going to meet along the way and most important, what is your destination going to be like. You go aboard and find all sorts of people doing all kinds of jobs to get the ship underway. Some of the jobs you find most interesting, saying to yourself, 'I could do that' and then there are the jobs that you say is something that you could never do.

Now, I like to think of life as going aboard a sail ship and preparing for a journey. Everyone tells you what your final destination (Heaven) is going to be like but you really don't know for sure and you're kind of apprehensive about it, not really sure you want to start this journey into, what you believe, is the unknown.
Because someone loved you so much when you were born you were Baptized into Jesus Christ thereby giving you the ticket to board the ship. You find everyone that you love aboard, both alive and dead, to help you understand your journey. All the passengers and crew are your community who have the same apprehensions that you do but because they've been sailing longer then you, there is a certain amount of joy in their lives because they know, through Faith, that the destination is worth the many perils and heartaches that they as a community are going to have along the way. Everyone aboard ship (the community) has a job (vocation) with is designed by God just for him or her. You can always recognize these people, they're the ones that are always full of joy. These people set the example for you. There are some of them that when you see them at work, you stand in awe wondering how and why they do the things they do. The ship finally gets underway after all the provisions (Eucharist, Bible) are safely stowed away. No sail ship can get very far without the wind. The wind is the Spirit of God that blows you and your community toward your destination. As you sail along there is calm with a gentle breeze and sometimes there will be gale force winds (sin) taking you off course and which will make you feel as though you're not worthy to continue. Then, just when you're ready to give up hope that you will ever get back on course...the gentle breeze begins again steering you and your community in the right direction.

Then, and this is the real kicker...you realize that there are many ships traveling in the same direction...to the same destination...to our Lord, which is one and all!

This week

2008-05-09T15:33:00.000-07:00

I still haven't heard from anyone regarding our upcoming fortieth wedding anniversary.

Late last week I was given a new client in the hospice program. I was warned by many of the nurses that he was an old "crank" and would probably chew me out when I go to meet him. The next day I went to the assisted living home where he was staying. I was met at the door a nurse's assistant who advised the he was in a bad mood and would probably throw me out of his room. I went to his room introduced myself and we sat down and had a conversation about his old job how long he had been retired, etc, etc. He was very nice the whole time and shook my hand when I left. the nursing assistant was in shock. Anyway, that was last Thursday, on Friday I came to work and was told that he had been admitted . After work I went to visit him but he was sleeping. I spoke to the nurse who stated that he had been given some pain med. but he was expected to recover and would be going to a nursing home. To make a long story short, I visited twice spoke to his daughter both times because he was sleeping...probably in a coma. Well, he died on Tuesday morning.

One of the neighbors behind had a tree taken down and asked if I wanted the wood. The only problem was, I had to cut it up and haul it into my wood pile. I finished it last night. (nice to know I can still do things like that , or as your Mom put it "I still got it").

Was supposed to go to jail Ministry today but I received a call from the jail that the inmates were in "lock-down" and there won't be any programs today. So I spend the day with your mom shopping and doing a lot of yard work.
Tomorrow I go to Marshall to study.

Update

2008-05-03T17:17:00.000-07:00

Hello everyone! Sorry for not posting in such a long time, I don't have an excuse except that I've been pretty busy and then I forget...I know what you're all thinking! "He's just getting old" and you're right I am but I've never been more content then I am right now.

I went to the VA about my skin cancer a few months ago and they zapped a few suspicious spots. I just got the cost of that half hour in the mail...$950! I'm glad I don't have to pay for it.

I've decided that I am going to study to become a Secular Franciscan. It will take three and a half years to complete the study and be accepted into the Fraternity. A Secular Franciscan is a lay person who has been called to live the Gospel of our Lord according to the teachings of St. Francis and Ste. Claire. No, I won't be living in a monastery or get one of those little bald spots on the top of my head, which would have been hard to distinguish with my current hair style. I'm just starting out and I Pray that the Holy Spirit will help me in this decision. As most of you know, I've been going to the Franciscan Retreat house here in Minnesota for the past twelve years and I feel that whenever I feel that little tug by the Holy Spirit it was always a Franciscan that did the tugging. So, Pray for me and I will keep you all in my Prayers.

I started a Jail Ministry here in Kandiyohi and have found it to be a wonderful and eye opening experience. There's nothing like praying the Rosary with five or six inmates (with gang tattoos) that truly want to know our Lord Jesus Christ. It just appears that they can't get enough of talking about our Lord. I just can't believe that I'm doing this! Then I remember that I am just doing what the Spirit of God wants me to do, that this certainly isn't about me, but it's about our loving and forgiving God that has led me here and I've never been happier. Praise be to our Lord Jesus Christ who lives and reigns forever!

I've decided to take a little time off this summer from the coffee shop. I'll only work three days a week. That will give me time to go camping, fish and bike. I really want to spend some time with my grandchildren and hope that this time off will give me the opportunity to do so.

I'm about half way done with my current sailboat which is coming along just great. I may have to take a trip to Denver to deliver it this summer.

I really don't want to think about part of the family moving to Denver. I remember how long it took for us to adjust to Minnesota and I still won't say "ufda" or "pop". I can't stand hockey (unless my grandchildren are playing)and for the most part all Minnesota pro teams should be semi-pro. Snow is just beautiful as long as you don't have to be digging drunks out of ditches or shovel four foot of it off your roof. I guess I went off on one of those "rants". I don't like the idea of my kids moving away and I get dry mouthed every time I think that I should have spent more time with them while they were here.

Mom and I are celebrating our fortieth anniversary this year and would like to go somewhere special next fall. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

I'll try and keep you all updated sorry for the delay.

Reflections

2008-02-06T16:21:00.000-08:00

I went to the Va Hospital in St.Cloud today for a checkup (everything is ok) when I saw an old Vet come to the revolving door into the check-in area of the hospital. He had two canes keeping him "afloat" as we Navy Vets would say. He was walking very slowly through the revolving door hoping that the door didn't hit him from behind. He had a grim look on his face as he looked toward the floor. It was a look that you see on a lot of these former warriors as they struggled along trying to make appointments. Why was he looking down? The reasons are probably many, maybe he has been in pain for most of his life, maybe coming to the VA brought back bad memories, maybe he was just having a bad day. All I know is that he looked like a man beaten, a man that has seen better days and probably thought that those days were gone. He wouldn't look at me as he struggled by going to his left and into the check-in line. Then suddenly everything changed. He saw an old friend sitting in a chair on the far side of the waiting room. All of a sudden his chest stuck out, his gait quickened as he made his way to his old buddy. Both were grinning ear to ear as as he made his way across that waiting room his head held high...he was young again.

GOODBYE...

2008-01-17T11:40:00.000-08:00

I went to Elaine's wake last night and the funeral home was packed as I knew it would be. A DVD was playing and Elaine was playing the piano and singing. It nearly broke my heart as I remembered how she played at the hospital. There were so many pictures of Elaine with her family. I didn't see one picture that showed her alone, she always had family around her. There was one picture that showed her wearing a big hat with a very big bow and a pair of very heavy shoes, it must have been taken in the early forties when that style was the fad...I bet she was the "cat's meow"!

Elaine has touched my heart in a very special way...I will never forget her.

I'll miss you...

2008-01-14T11:47:00.000-08:00

Sorry I haven't written anything lately but I've been working on one of my models and after the sails are made it will be done!

This morning I went through the Emergency Room entry door as I do every morning on the days that I am working. I was carrying a couple of gallons of milk as I made my way down the corridor toward the coffee shop. I was stopped short by a nurse pushing a bed toward the x-ray department. As we passed I saw that it was Elaine on the bed. We said hi to each other as we passed and I could hear her say to the nurse "that's Earl, he's a real nice guy". I smiled and continued to my shop.
At about 6:30 am I heard a "code blue" for the x-ray department. My heart sank as I said a little Prayer for the person and hoping it wasn't Elaine. Well, about a half hour later my fears came true as I found out it was indeed Elaine that had suffered a heart attack and died.
I felt just terrible all day as friends stopped by to comfort me because they knew what Elaine meant to me. They all made me remember that Elaine is in a much better place now, with no more pain. The realization that she is no longer in pain made me feel so much better because she had been in pain for such a long time. I remember when I had torn a rotator cuff, the pain was terrible. After I received a shot the pain left immediately. I didn't know how much pain I was in until it was gone. I'm sure that Elaine feels the same way...being free from all her pain must feel like...Heaven!

If you haven't read it already there is an old entry on this blog about my friend Elaine.

What a week!

2007-12-20T12:19:00.000-08:00

I'm reading a book titled "From Image to likeness" by William A. Simpson. The general theme of the book is that through our journey God is an image but as we open our hearts to the Holy Spirit we become a likeness to God. There's a chapter that deals with seeing God in our everyday lives. I surely have seen Him this week. I have a friend whose husband goes through dialysis treatment on Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday of every week. Well, I saw her yesterday in the patient waiting area and stopped to say hi. I knew something was bothering her as I asked how she was doing. Suddenly she grabbed and hugged me as she explained that her husband's cancer had returned. She broke down in tears as she told me that he had lost the use of his right leg. He was having an MRI done as she waited. I left her there after a few minutes and was leaving the hospital as I saw her husband in the x-ray waiting room, he was sleeping in his wheelchair. I stopped and put my hand on his shoulder, feeling his shoulder bone through his shirt. I just said hi and left. I went to St. Mary's Chapel to say a Prayer for this wonderful man and woman and you know I don't even know their names. As I sat in front of the Eucharist I remembered how I first met them over two years ago. She was taking him to his treatment on Thursday morning and I was in my coffee shop with "Swing" (WWII era) music going full blast out of the CD player. After she took her husband in she came out and told me that the music I was playing was his favorite. That afternoon I saw my brother Steve and asked if he would make copies of the CD and he took them home and brought them in the next day. I saw her the following Tuesday, gave her the CD and watched as tears welled up in her eyes. I never said much to her after that knowing that she had many things on her mind and everything revolved around her husband and I didn't want to appear like a pest. We just smiled as we saw each other every other morning. Well, today is Thursday the day of his treatment and what a wonderful day in turned out to be!
First I want you to know that I love the hospital where I work, some wonderful things occur there everyday. Today we had a blind person playing the piano and singing Christmas carols at the top of her voice. Someone opened the door to Dialysis so then patients could hear the music, I looked over and saw that it was the lady whose husband was sick. I walked over and asked how the MRI turned out. She looked at me with tears of relief as she told me that it wasn't as bad as they thought, the symptoms were brought on by a recent bout with the flu and the cancer hadn't returned. She hugged me then and thanked me. I went to Chapel today and thanked God for this wonderful job, for the wonderful people I get to know, for my family, and for my wife...all of which I surely do not deserve.
I could go on and on about the things that happened today and I think I'll add some more but I think its time for me to stop for now.

Been Busy!

2007-12-15T08:29:00.000-08:00

This is a very busy time for Mom and me with Christmas preparations at our Church and being busy at my coffee shop. The hospital had their Christmas party this week and I caught up in moment decided that I would stay and help. Well, just to let you all know that good things do happen to those that have good intentions, after the party began and the high school choir took their first break I heard a voice yelling "grandpa! grandpa!" I turned to look to see who it was and saw my number two granddaughter running towards me with her friends. Allison ( Allie Oopie) was in the choir and at her first chance came to say hi to me and to share a loving hug. The choir began to sing again and the Ooper and I traded smiles as she sang and I served coffee. I am truly Blessed and it is moments such as these that Jesus nudges me in the ribs just to let me know that he is always here. The love that I and a believe Allison felt for one another as we smiled is proof that Jesus shows his presence through Love. I think that I was being reminded that the Christmas Season is about the one true gift that God gave the world...His only Son!
So, slow down and remember to always look for those little "knowing" smiles" because that is Jesus' nudging you in the ribs...and heart.

Well, it's over...

2007-12-04T09:43:00.000-08:00

After a pretty hectic day we arrived at the Va Hospital in the cities at about 2 pm. I waited around for just a few minutes then was taken into an office and asked a lot of questions and blood pressure was taken 155/77 pulse 98...thanks city traffic! Driving in the cities isn't like driving at all, its more like a competition on just how many people you can cut off at 70 miles per hour!
Anyway, after the questioning I sat around to about 3:30 (little over an hour) then taken into the operating room. Mom went with me and held a wonderful conversation with the doctor (a first year resident) as she (the doctor) was cutting into the back of my neck. It took a lot longer and was more complicated then I thought and lasted for over an hour. Another biopsy will be taken to find out it they got it all, if not then I'll have to go back and do it all over again.
I took today and tomorrow off from work, mainly because I have this huge bandage covering my neck and I can't take it off until tomorrow night. Plus, I'm in a little pain but it's not too bad. I hope this is the end off this...I don't want to go through this again!

Hi!

2007-12-01T04:30:00.000-08:00

I'm sorry I haven't been posting lately, it's been a very busy and very long week. Next Monday I go to the VA Hospital in the cities to have my skin cancer removed. No big deal, I was assured that it is a very common cancer and once removed won't come back. I took Tuesday off just in case I have a stiff neck or something so I'll be home all day Tuesday if anyone would like to call.
I have a new Hospice patient. He has throat cancer and is unable to talk. Well, I guess it's ok because I probably couldn't hear him anyway:) He's a destroyer sailor just like me. I printed a picture of his ship and took it to our last visit, he really enjoyed it.
I go on Retreat next weekend and will spend this week preparing myself Spiritually for my three days there. I've been going for the last twelve years and it is a wonderful experience. I would like to suggest that if you have a chance, go on a Retreat it will change your life.
As Mom wrote in her blog, we finished up on our Bible study Thursday afternoon. Just like our study last year, this was a wonderful experience. I enjoyed talking to other men about our journey, it was very enlightening. I guess what really stood out for me is the realization that not all Catholics are super critical of other Religions nor are they (most anyway) judgmental. Just like many in other Religions, most of us are just trying to find our way to Christ . The strange thing about this journey is that it isn't a "road trip" of self denial, although for some of us that have been "of this world" for most of our lives it is certainly that, but it can be a very rewarding very happy time . I guess for me, realizing that there is more to life then the horror, selfishness and the egoism of my former self was a wonderful awakening for me. I attribute this awakening to the Holy Spirit that, at a time when I knew I couldn't continue on my own, I asked (Prayed) would enter my life. He did, and I will never look at life the same way again.
I love you all, thanks for "hanging in there" for me. I truly don't deserve you and I Pray in thanksgiving for all of you.

Boot camp picture

2007-11-07T15:22:00.000-08:00

Just wanted you all to see what I looked like right after I graduated from Navy Bootcamp. I was only seventeen when this picture was taken and believe it or not I gained fifteen pounds while in bootcamp. Do any of my children or grand children look like me?

I don't remember any childhood pictures taken of me, this is the only one. :)

Foundation Talk 2007

2007-10-21T12:19:00.000-07:00

Foundations Talk
03/24/07

I wanted share with you all just how powerful these past three years have been for me. I Pray that the Holy Spirit will guide me in my attempt to explain my feelings.

So many things that have occurred to me and around me in the past that didn’t make sense, came to complete clarity during this course. To give you just one example:

I was a police officer in a major city on the east coast for fifteen years. I worked one of the deadliest, crime ridden ghetto districts on the eastern seaboard.

I must admit that during that time, when things really got rough, I questioned the existence of God. Being a cop I only saw people at their worse. Everyone was a crook until they proved otherwise.

I’ll never forget the case that turned it all around for me, the case that showed me that there indeed is a God but why He did what He did for me I didn’t and thought that I never would understand...

I was working the day shift on the 24th of December when I received a fire call. I knew the area where it was located and knew that it was a vacant house. I thought I would go there, direct traffic around the fire scene, write a small report, then go home and get ready for Christmas.

Things were going pretty much as I thought they would except for the size of the crowd. People and traffic were everywhere, all the streets were blocked in every direction. I still thought it would be a quick fire and everything would go back to normal.

I was standing near a fire truck when suddenly a shot rang out. All of us at that fire scene had been conditioned since the Baltimore Riots to do just two things at the sound of gunfire and that was to dive to the ground and Pray.

When I dove it was right into the gutter where the water was draining from the fire hoses. Firemen jumped off ladders, dove under fire trucks and hid in the burning house. After what seemed like an eternity, I could hear people screaming and looked up to see what was going on. I saw a large crowd standing on the corner and in their mist, lay a body on the ground.

I ran to the corner and found a very young male laying, unconscious, on the sidewalk. He was wearing a heavy jacket which kept me from seeing if there were any injuries. I unzipped the jacket, ripped open his shirt and found a small bullet hole right in the center of his chest. I had been a cop for a long time and knew what this meant but I wasn’t going to let this boy go without a fight...so I started CPR.

I, like everyone else, dislike cases where children are involved, but I really detested them because they tend stay on my mind for a long time.

Inside, I wasn’t just Praying to God, I was screaming at Him, “Why, why Lord did you do this to me? You know I can’t handle this sort of a case! Why didn’t You put someone here that can handle this...why me?!

Then my Prayers turned to: “Please help me get through this Lord, because I know that I can’t get through this alone.”

I continued CPR in the back of a squad car until we got to the hospital. The child was pronounced dead on arrival. I left the trauma room and walked around repeating that Prayer but now with a new twist: “If only You would have sent someone else to handle this maybe this child would have lived, but no You had to send me, half a basket case, to handle this, the most important thing a man can do, save a human life, and I failed.

I was in the waiting room trying to get information together for my report as I observed the boy’s father, who was in a state of shock, say mostly to himself: “What am I going to do with his bike, I just got him a bike for Christmas, what am I going to do with his bike?

I had to get away. I couldn’t handle anymore. I went into the men’s room and locked the door. I went to the sink and looked down at my hands they were covered with blood. I took a deep breath and looked in the mirror.

I didn’t recognize the man staring back at me. My uniform was caked with mud and dirt and I was soaked to the skin, I had lost my hat and eyes were bloodshot, I truly didn’t know me anymore.

I looked in that mirror and vowed to turn my life around, to start going to Church, and to try and make some sense out of what just happened.

I went to Church that Christmas morning and every Sunday after. I met a young Priest who helped me to understand that our God loves everyone, even a guy like me who not long before questioned the existence of our Savior.

Then one Saturday during this course I listened as Dr. Bobertz explained how Genesis 1.1 the creation, Genesis 6.5 the flood, Matthew 8.23 the calming of the sea, were all examples of God’s new beginning for mankind.

He explained that in these examples the water was Chaos and with Christ chaos can be calmed and there will be a new beginning for those who believed in Him.

I had tears in my eyes as I remembered that little boy and my awakening in that men’s room. Now I know what I was looking at in that mirror...it was pure chaos.

I went from chaos to a new beginning. I realize now that there was nothing I could have done for that little boy who died, so very long ago.

In 2001 one year before I retired I delivered a baby girl in the Stearns County jail. She had the cord wrapped so tight around her throat that she almost died. We untied the knot in the cord and she began to cry. I thanked God for letting me a part of her birth.

I believe that He was saying to me...”Forget all the tragedies that you have seen, and if you must remember your police years...remember this baby.”

I would like to close with a passage from the second letter of Paul to the Corinthians:

“So whoever is in Christ is a new creation, behold new things have come!”

Coffee Shop

2007-10-20T08:37:00.000-07:00

I thought I'd write a few words about the coffee shop closing. Last year I was told by my boss that if we didn't show a profit by the end of October of this year that it was pretty certain that we are going to close. I guess that we haven't shown a profit since we've opened. This is not unusual. The cafeteria never shows a profit and they throw more food away everyday then they sell. In our case however, we are not a necessity and because of the "supposedly" financial problems that the hospital is having right now they can't afford to subsidize us as they have in the past.

There is good news. I guess everyone in the hospital has heard about our possible closing and business has doubled this past week. (I just love the people here) If this keeps up I think we'll stay open. Also, Jeanne (Mom, Aunt, Grandma) tells me that the nurses are thinking of starting a petition if closing is imminent. Plus, I spoke to someone who is in the know and was told that the closing of my shop has never been discussed at any of the finance meetings.

I'll keep you all posted on what's going to happen. I love it here and it will break my heart to have to leave. My boss told me that she will hire me in the kitchen but I don't know what I'd be doing. She stated that I could wash pots. I don't know if I'll do that. I love working with people and don't want to spend my time in the kitchen away from everyone.

Like a Seed...

2007-10-17T12:29:00.001-07:00

Like a seed in the cold, frozen
ground.
Like a winter tree reaching to the
sky.

So desolate, so lonely, so empty, no
sound.
Oh, the sorrow, the pain, the suffering,
why?

You come like a whisper, a warming of
earth.
The buds burst forth, a dawning, a new
start.

A break in the ground ,dare I look, dare I
search?
Leaves so tender, trust in Your warmth, or die
apart?

The warmth, Your warmth! Oh, Your infinite
love!
How could you care so much to Forgive me my
sin?

Like a flower full bloom, I was reaching
above.
All the years searching and I find You
within...

the past two weeks

2007-10-10T16:00:00.000-07:00

The neat thing about this blog is I can write anything I want and hope that everyone that reads it will understand.

I've had a real very emotional and heart-wrenching two weeks. First, I was turned down from the Deaconate Program by a very uncaring and dispassionate Archbishop. I'm not going into specifics but lets just say I was almost in tears when I left his office. Second, I went to the VA Hospital in the cities and was told I have skin cancer. No big deal but lets say it put me back a little. Third, I just found out that they're planning to close the little coffee shop that I love to work at. And fourth and the most important...While I was visiting Chris I was made aware of the fact that I sent my girls, while they were very young, down to the grocery store to get me cigars while I laid on my butt at home. I don't remember sending them and I'm ashamed of myself. I remember when I was little and my dad sent me to the store then screamed at me if I didn't come back with what he wanted. I hated that experience and it stayed with me all these years. I can only hope that my girls don't feel the same way about me. As I wrote above I am ashamed of myself...my dad probably didn't know nor remember what he did to me. This is one time when I can say that that trait that I received from my dad, I'm not proud of.

Grief Retreat II

2007-10-08T15:28:00.000-07:00

This is going to be the second and last segment of the Grief Retreat I attended. Just after lunch on that Saturday all the chidren were given shoeboxes that had been covered with white wrapping paper. The idea was this: to cut out pictures from magazines that reminded them of the person that died and paste the picture on the shoebox. The little guy that I was helping first cut a picture of a tractor and glued it in the upper right hand corner of the box. then he took a picture of a corn field and glued it next to the picture of the tractor. This went on with a picture of a farm, a vegetable garden and finally an apple pie.
He then drew a line from the tractor to the corn field then to the rest of the pictures then back to the tractor, drawing arrows through them all. He explained: My Mom first learned how to drive a tractor then she was allowed to plow the corn field. He explained all the pictures and how they related to the others.
He looked at me as he drew the last line back to the tractor and said "This line brings my Mom's life to full circle. She started out learning to drive a tractor and last Mother's Day she was accidently killed when her tractor accidently rode over her." He is eight years old.
It took a few minutes for me to get my voice back and I thanked him for sharing his thoughts of his Mom. I will never forget that weekend. Anyone that wants to sign up as a volunteer next year...let me know.

Elaine

2007-10-06T05:36:00.000-07:00

Elaine

I first met Elaine during my first week working in the coffee shop. She was in a wheelchair and had just finished a grueling 5 hours of dialysis. She could hardly hold her head up, she was drained of all her energy.

As I watched her, she started wheeling the chair in my direction. She was a little woman, white haired and pale, with a small frown on her face, the type of frown that comes from dealing with years of pain. I decided right then and there that she and I were going to be friends. For all I know, she was probably thinking the same about me.

She came up to the counter got out of her chair and asked for a cup to get herself some coffee. We started to talk. I think we were “feeling” each other out to find out what sort of person we were.

We became friends. She was coming for dialysis on Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday of every week which pretty much meant that she was housebound and couldn’t do any traveling.

Over the many months of our friendship I became very fond of Elaine and began bringing her coffee to her. I couldn’t bring myself to charge her, knowing that she (and I) looked forward to our meeting I wouldn’t spoil it by taking her money. She was a friend not a customer.

Almost a year in to our friendship she told me that when she was younger she played the piano at her church. Her community was the Tripolis Lutheran Church which only about five miles south of Kandiyohi where my church, St. Patrick’s is located. I had been in her church one year for a service celebrating Thanksgiving. She was very happy to hear this and I asked her if she would play the piano for us on her next visit. She promised that she would if she felt up to it.

On her next visit I anxiously waited for her to finish her treatment so she could play for us. She was pushed out of dialysis and she sat there with her head down, so weak she couldn’t hold it up. I poured her the usual half a cup of coffee and she couldn’t drink it. She told me that it gets like this sometimes, she got sick during treatment and couldn’t hold anything on her stomach. I was very concerned for her as she was being pushed to the elevator and I Prayed.

I know that we were brought together by the love of Christ, as Merton wrote: everyone is brought into our lives by the Spirit for a purpose. We may not know and we may not ever know why but sometimes He shows us His love through others and I think that is what I was experiencing, God’s love in the eyes of Elaine.

I waited for her at her next visit and found that she had been admitted to the hospital. I found out what room she was in, fixed her a cup of coffee, and went to her room. She was so happy to see me, I thought she was going to cry, I thought I was going to cry...

After a couple more days in the hospital she was allowed to go to a nursing home to recuperate before going home. I asked her how she liked the nursing home and she stated that it was alright but she had to get home because her husband was lonesome and needed her. Listening as she spoke of her husband, I realized that her statement could be turned around, she truly missed her husband and their home. She went home after a week.

On her next visit to dialysis, I was very busy which is unusual for that time of the day. Suddenly I heard someone playing the piano. It was a hymn, one that I have heard a thousand times and it was being played so well that it made me want to sing. I looked up and there was Elaine at the keyboard with a wonderful smile on her face, doing something that she loved to do, play her favorite music and she played it wonderfully!

Elaine has had her ups and downs over the past year, in and out of the hospital and nursing home. She took all of this with a smile and never complained. She just wanted to live a somewhat normal life with her husband and to be able to go to her little country Church and worship her God.

Once she told me that she really didn’t know how we became such good friends but she sure was glad we are friends because she cared a lot about me. I was thinking, I know how we became friends; because God brought us together to understand His love for us through each other.

One day as I was giving Elaine her coffee, she looked up at me, smiled and started singing. It was beautiful hymn. The years melted from her face as her voice traveled throughout the lower and first floor of the hospital. She was a wonderful singer. I can see her sitting at the piano in her Church playing and singing. It must have been a joy for everyone that heard her. As I watched her sing tears welled up in her eyes and I couldn’t focus either. I think that at that moment both of us knew who had brought us together.

Grief Retreat

2007-10-02T15:16:00.000-07:00

This past Saturday I volunteered to help at a grief retreat which was held at St. Marys Church in Willmar. It was held for children from kidnergarten through the six grade that had lost relatives during the past year. It was a wonderful weekend. Just one example: As the day was starting a young lady who was a volunteer was asked if she would like to share her story as to why she became a volunteer (this was after we were all paired off with one volunteer per child). She said that when she was eight years old her dad died and she went to a grief retreat which really helped her in her grieving process. She decided then that when she grew up she was going to volunteer. As she was finishing her story and went to sit down, the little girl that she had been paired off with grabbed and hugged her to console her! What was that short Prayer of St. Francis? "Let me be an instument of Your peace and to console then be consoled" (something like that).

Your Love

2007-09-30T10:48:00.000-07:00

I felt Your love
within me deep
but wanted no one
to know.

My friends would
not understand
the compassion
I dare not show.

It’s terrible to
hide who you are
share not the pain,
hide the scar.

I thought it would
be easy,
just hide the hurt
with a trip to the bar.

Years went by
You and the pain
were always there
Oh, God what am I to do?

I prayed that
little Prayer a lot
never thinking
I would hear from You.

I remember that
wonderful day
when I became
the man I am suppose to be.

I look in the bars
and see my
friends
Could they be just like me?

"Just a young boy..."

2007-09-28T13:56:00.000-07:00

Poem

A single shot in the dark rang out,
on that cold and dreary night;
Running ,screaming they began to shout
nothing but heartache, chaos and fright.

Feeling so lost in fear and pain,
alone in my despair;
There was no one but Satan there to reign
never thinking that You would be there.

A dying child I held with dread,
a small hole in his chest;
helplessness, grief and tears as I plead
please, please don’t put me through this test!

“Dear God, please help me” I cried aloud,
so insecure, so full of doubt;
I was no longer vain, I was no longer proud
we faced this alone, there was no way out.

He in my arms took his final breath,
so very small, an angelic face;
I looked into his eyes and saw only death
just a young boy...so full of Grace.

Suddenly I knew that You were there,
I heard but a whisper inside my heart;
where my feelings lay bare
as I stood there spent, unable to part.

“From earthly things he now will go,
no longer hurting, no longer in pain;
he’s with Me now and I love him so
through my Son’s salvation, heaven he will gain.”

In all this anguish, pain and fear,
into my heart You come, like a dove;
like a soft wind, the Spirit appear,
to show me the infinity of Your love.

Buvver

2007-09-26T13:45:00.000-07:00

I wanted Buvvers wife to know that he was more then a hospital assignment to me. He was a great friend. I planned on reading the letter below at his funeral but didn't have the opprtunity.

I met Buvver over eight months ago. It’s funny how God brings someone into your life just when you need them. I’m glad that He brought Buvver into mine. We became fast friends. I always enjoyed our time together. It was wonderful to see his face light up when I came to visit. He never complained about his illness although he was in severe pain most of the time.

Once, while he was a patient in a nursing home I came to visit while he was in pain and heavily sedated. He was moaning softly. I put a CD in his player and started his music. Suddenly he stopped moaning and began to hum along with the music. Our Lord was in that room with us that day I could feel His presence. He took the pain away from Buuver so that he could enjoy his music and He allowed me to be there to witness His healing. It was a very special moment in my life that I will never forget.

When I came to visit I had the privilege of listening to his stories about his family. He never talked about himself or his accomplishments. He only spoke of family. He was very proud of his Dad, his brothers and his children. As we talked I began to realize that his was the example that his family was following. It was because of his example that his family are who they are today.

As I wrote above, I’ve known Buuver for about eight months and he changed my life. It was a honor to have known him. He helped me more then I could ever help him.

I read somewhere that you are reconnected with those you love after you die and I believe it. If I am right then I’ll see you later Buuver!

Friday before Retreat 2006

2007-09-24T12:29:00.000-07:00

Friday

I spent all morning while I was at work looking at the clock and couldn’t wait until I could leave and finally be on my way to pick up John and then to the Retreat house.

I felt guilty about this weekend because there are so many things happening. First, and foremost, Sawyer is getting Baptized and I really should be there for that. Plus, Danielle is getting her Masters in Nursing and what a proud moment for her and us. The third thing and a really important one, Jeanne is feeling sick and has to go to the clinic for tests. I guess when you start to get around our age you start to worry about aches and pains, wondering if it is a major illness.

Jeanne knows how important this weekend is for me and she insisted that I go to Retreat. I did feel guilty as she left to go for her tests while I waited for Augie to come and pick me up. All these things were going through my mind as I waited. I also knew that if I didn’t go then three guys who were counting on me to drive them to the Retreat Center weren’t going to be able to go. All three of these guys are sick and want to spend time alone with Christ. I couldn’t take that away from them so it was tough decision to make and I’m not sure I would have went if it were only me going but I couldn’t let these guys down.

Augie picked me up in his new six passenger van and we started on our trip to Sauk Rapids to pick up John and Harold. We started talking about church and all the problems we’re faced with from complacent to the down-right nasty individuals that are a part of our parish. Augie wasn’t the only one talking. I was doing my share of griping too. It really is hard to keep from saying anything when there are people that don’t want me to do the Rosary on Sunday before Mass. I feel that if they want to do the Rosary they certainly can, but when asked to do so turned me down flat, advising me that I should be looking for someone else, preferably a young person, to do it. I asked why it was my responsibility to find someone and was told that I think that I’m such a big person at the Church I should find someone. I just couldn’t understand that kind of reasoning. So, I vented to Augie thinking that maybe he might have an answer. Or, was that the reason I told Augie? Maybe, I was just my way of agreeing with him, that there really are some nasty people at our Church. When I “go there” I am reminded of the writings of Merton who wrote that we are all the Body of Christ with all our faults and limitations. I am reminded that without everyone of us there would be no Christ on earth. We through our Church are the body of Christ on earth. I can go on with the many gripes that we both had and talked about but I won’t because I’m ashamed of myself for falling into that pit of self pity. I am a better person than that. I Pray that our Lord will forgive me for my shortcomings.
Whenever I feel the urge to “vent” my feelings about any individual in my community I will think back to Holy Thursday.

I was reading Merton and came to the part where he writes that we are all a part the “universal” (Catholic) Church, that we all need each other to bring the love of Christ into this world. That night at Mass I watched as people of different ages, sex, nationalities and even political views went to the front of the Altar and kissed the Cross as it was being held by two altar servers (politically correct). I had tears as I watched people who could hardly walk bend down to kiss the foot of that Cross. I knew then what Merton was writing about. We are all so very different, we all think so differently, we all look so different but in Christ’ eyes we are all the same. He came here for our salvation, ALL of our salvation. No, I don’t always agree with some of the decisions made by others as I am sure they don’t agree with mine but we all have a right to make them be they right or wrong. We’re not here to judge one another but I know that I’ve been guilty of that not only in our Community but in my family as well. I certainly am not perfect but when I start to “vent” in the future I will remember that cross and all the people that came to it. I will also remember Calvary and all the people that let our Lord down, all those that judged Him, all those that abandoned Him and how utterly alone He was.

My Dad

2007-09-22T05:54:00.000-07:00

As most of you know I didn't have a very good relationship with my Dad during my teen years. I am not going to go into the specifics of our relationship but I guess any teenage boy can sit and write about all the "bad" things their Dads did to them. Lets just say I was a typical teenage boy.
After my Moms death and much Prayer I decided that I needed to make ammends to my Dad because I didn't know how long he would be around and I wanted him to know that I loved him. I wrote him a letter after Moms funeral and this is what he wrote me back:

Letter from my Dad
( date is unknown, but it was after the family re-union in 2000)

Earl

Just a few lines to thank you for the money you sent me and the card that I received from you telling me how proud you were of me and that made me the happiest man on earth. I am saving the card for the rest of my life and I would not take a million dollars for it. I am so proud of you that you are my son. I always proud and love you very much and you know how hard it is to raise 10 children. I want you to tell Jean that I am so happy that she my daughter in law and I love her very much.
I am not very good at letter writing and I hope you can read it.
I don’t know a lot about your family but tell my grandchildren and great grandchildren that I love all of them.

Well, I don’t know what else to say=Just to say that you made me a very happy Dad and very happy to have a son like you.

I love your family
Love your wife
And I love you with
All of heart.
Happy Dad

Needless to say, I cried when I first read this letter and now that he's gone I cry every time a read it...I am crying right now. I thank God for giving me the insight to write my Dad that final letter. I have his letter framed and in my den. And like he wrote "I will save it for the rest of my life and wouldn't take a million dollars for it".

Hospice Retreat

2007-09-21T18:51:00.000-07:00

Last Thursday I spent the whole day attending a hospice retreat at the Holiday Inn in Willmar. It was a day of compassion and deep thought. Generally, it dealt with the care, needs and emotions of people that are in the last stages of life and their families. I won't give a full synopsis of the day but I leave you with this. One of the speakers Father Nick Mezacapa, an Episcopal Priest from Rochester Mn. said the following:

" Without Mortality there would be no need for forgiveness or
asking to be forgiven.
We would keep putting off forgiving those who wrong us
or asking to be forgiven for our wrongs...until the end of time."

What I believe he meant was, At the time of impending death most people wish to mend relationships which is the most important thing a person can do...to ask to be forgiven and to forgive those left behind...which is the most wonderful gift of all.

Old Draft that I forgot to post

2007-09-21T18:03:00.000-07:00

As some of you know I'm a Hospice volunteer. I had a patient with the nickname of "Buvver". Buvver and I became very good friends for the ten months that I knew him. He was a very special person and I will miss him. I wrote a little message that I was going to read at his funeral but I did not get the opportunity. I thought I would share it with you:

Buuver

I met Buuver over eight months ago. It’s funny how God brings someone into your life just when you need them. I’m glad that He brought Buuver into mine. We became fast friends. I always enjoyed our time together. It was wonderful to see his face light up when I came to visit. He never complained about his illness although he was in severe pain most of the time.

Once, while he was a patient in a nursing home I came to visit while he was in pain and heavily sedated. He was moaning softly. I put a CD in his player and started his music. Suddenly he stopped moaning and began to hum along with the music. Our Lord was in that room with us that day I could feel His presence. He took the pain away from Buuver so that he could enjoy his music and He allowed me to be there to witness His healing. It was a very special moment in my life that I will never forget.

When I came to visit I had the privilege of listening to his stories about his family. He never talked about himself or his accomplishments. He only spoke of family. He was very proud of his Dad, his brothers and his children. As we talked I began to realize that his was the example that his family was following. It was because of his example that his family are who they are today.

As I wrote above, I’ve known Buuver for about eight months and he changed my life. It was a honor to have known him. He helped me more then I could ever help him.

I read somewhere that you are reconnected with those you love after you die and I believe it. If I am right then I’ll see you later Buuver!

I sent a copy of the letter to Buvvers wife who called me the day that she got it. She was choking off tears as she thanked me. I feel very honored to have known the family and thank the Spirit for bringing us together.

Brand New

2007-09-21T15:43:00.000-07:00

I'm brand new at this so I hope you all will be very patient with me. It took me half an hour to figure out how to put a picture on the blog site. I like that picture because it reminds me of all the good times I've had with the McArthur family. If things were fair my last name would have been changed to McArthur when Jeanne and I got married instead of the other way around because they really made me feel as one of the family.
I guess that you all know by the name of this blog that I will be writing about how the Spirit has made Himself known in my life. I hope I can explain myself properly because it means so much to me that you all understand how the Spirit has brought Joy into my life and how He has taken the pain away.
I will post experiences both from the past and present that I feel were and are Jesus reminding me that He has been and always will be a part of my life.
I hope you like it and that by reading this you will realize that He has been calling you too...